Four graduate Conneaut Renewal Court

CONNEAUT – Addiction robs people of their families and friends as well as their identities.
Through introspection, hard work and perseverance, much of what has been lost can be regained, a message that was delivered by the latest graduates of Conneaut Renewal Court.
“The program was not easy at all,” Renewal Court graduate Emily McGuire said. “People think you just wake up one day and everything magically gets better, but it doesn’t work like that. Healing takes time. There were days I wanted to quit, days I felt weak, days I felt like my past was always going to follow me, but I kept going anyway because it was worth it. I had to learn how to face my problems instead of running from them. I had to learn how to ask for help without being embarrassed. One of the hardest things I had to learn was how to forgive myself for the person I used to be.”
“Recovery gave me something that I thought I lost a long time ago – hope,” McGuire continued. “Today, I’m not perfect, but I’m proud of who I’m becoming. I’m stronger, wiser, and way more focused than I used to be. I’ve got goals now. I want a future. I want stability for me and my son. I want to keep building a life that’s healthy and real. I want to show people that no matter how far down you fall, you can always come back from it. One thing recovery taught me is that healing isn’t always pretty. Most days are hard. Some days you’ve got to fight your own mind just to keep going, but progress matters more than perfection. If I can do this, I’m convinced anybody can. Just be strong and stay true to yourself.”
McGuire, Michael Braden, Damien Childress and Jim Irish celebrated Renewal Court Commencement on Thursday, May 14, at Conneaut Human Resources Center.
Braden was a unique participant in Renewal Court.
“We are certified as a Substance Abuse or Mental Illness (SAMI) court by the Ohio Supreme Court, which means our focus is on those battling mental illness and/or substance abuse disorders, one or the other or both co-occurring disorders,” Conneaut Municipal Court Judge Nick Iarocci said. “Michael came to our program primarily as a mental-health participant. Even though he has some substance abuse in his distant history, he was primarily a mental-health participant, and he’s probably the first one we’ve had that has had that focus.”
Beyond learning how to fight his addiction, Braden learned a little about humanity.
“This program, for me, going to the dog shelter, serving at the dog shelter, helping out, I saw a lot of people there who did not have to be there, but they’re there every day, donating their time because there’s a need from the community,” Braden said. “Serving meals, I saw both good people, that were there for the community, and I also saw people that were down and out, coming in off the street, getting a meal. I even saw some folks that were my boy’s age which struck an air with me. It taught me how to be humble, how to help your fellow man. I know there’s a lot of resources out here, but I hope to find a spot where I can serve, as well, down the road.”
Braden implored the people in the Renewal Court program to actively seek help from the professionals willing to offer it.
“I know some of you have been here a while,” Braden said. “This program is, indeed, what you make of it. You have a team of multi-talented professionals that every one of them will help you. You’ve got to speak up. You’ve got to be willing to accept change, help yourself. If you need something, you’ve got to speak up. If you’re not taking the program seriously, they will get you back in check and get you where you need to be. I had my sink or swim moment in sanctions that I had brought on myself. That was, for me, the time where I decided to power through it and we could start working towards the person that I want to be.”
Childress was in a dark place, but Renewal Court helped him to find the light.
“Today’s a good day,” Childress said. “The last 15 years have been really difficult for me. I felt like I had given up on so much. I lost family, I lost friends. I felt like I didn’t care anymore. I was ready to just call it quits on everything. I was drinking, I was using everything that I could try, I guess, to get my mind off of whatever was going on with me. I wasn’t in a good spot. There was a time when I was close to hanging myself. I was just a loner. I was nobody. Thanks to everybody here, and a few out there, I was able to change everything, turn my life around.”
Childress said he didn’t feel like he needed the program when he entered, but he soon saw the reality of his situation.
“I’d like to thank everybody here on the Renewal Court team for giving me the opportunity to be a part of it,” Childress said. “It’s definitely been a long and hard road for me. I started off the program and I didn’t think I needed it. I was delusional. I didn’t really try when I first started. In my head, I was thinking, ‘What am I doing here? I don’t need all this.’ I didn’t even think I deserved to be in jail.”
“Of course, that wasn’t true,” Childress continued. “I thought I didn’t have a problem with alcohol or drugs at all. You can tell that to my kids, who I didn’t see for three years. I definitely had issues.”
The efforts of the Renewal Court team opened Childress’ eyes and that’s when he started to change his life.
“It really wasn’t until I saw how much the people behind me here actually cared that I began to take it seriously,” Childress said. “All the help I got from them and others, I met some great people along the way. They’ve all been there for me. They’ve been really helpful and they offered so much of themselves for me, and for all of us, actually. I’m truly grateful for them. I figured why should I do any less? If they’re all given themselves, then why should I do anything less than give myself?”
“I started to see that I really did need help,” Childress said. “I saw that all the loss I had endured, all the pain I had gone through, I didn’t want to go through it anymore. I didn’t want that for myself. I realized that if I wanted to change, that I’d have to work for it. I had no motivation. I had no desire. I had no home. Then, the Renewal Court team gave me the push that I needed to start moving again. It was everything that they had done, and the work, like I said, that they had put into me, and I hadn’t had that from anyone in almost 20 years. I have children that have never seen me sober a day in their lives and that’s sad.”
Irish was grateful the Renewal Court team didn’t just throw him away.
“First, I’d like to thank these folks here for giving me a chance,” Irish said. “They could’ve just sat there and looked at me, and said, ‘In the trash with you,’ and they didn’t do that. You didn’t have to, but you didn’t do that and you give me a chance to set myself up on this next part of my journey.”
Though Irish began the program with reluctance, he soon started to see the benefits of giving his best.
“I can say that, okay, I did it, I started off because I had to,” Irish said. “Then I started seeing the benefits of it as time went by. The fog lifted, no more rose-colored eyes. I started seeing myself. I started understanding myself. I started learning about myself.”
“It taught me to be the kind of person that I know I need to be, who I can be, that I can still learn as long as they don’t shovel dirt in my face,” Irish continued. “I can be that guy. When I say that guy, I mean, I can be a better father. I can be a better grandfather. I can stop not listening to the voice of reason, and with what time I’ve got left, I can make a better life for myself. These good folks here, gave me the opportunity to not throw that away and I’m always going to be grateful to them for that because, like I said, they could taken one look at me and said, ‘Done!’ They didn’t do that.”
McGuire found the person she wanted to be through Renewal Court.
“For a long time, I felt lost,” McGuire said. “Honestly, I couldn’t even recognize myself anymore. I was carrying around so much pain, stress, anger, disappointment and shame. A lot of people didn’t really know what I was going through because I got really good at hiding it. Deep down, I was struggling badly. I felt stuck in a cycle that kept pulling me further and further away from the person I know I could be.”
“There were days I felt hopeless, days I felt like giving up,” McGuire continued. “I started losing everything little by little, and addiction affected every part of my life – my relationships, my mindset, my future, and the way I looked at myself. I stopped believing things could actually get better for me. The part that hurt the worst was realizing I wasn’t living the life I wanted for myself. I remember sitting there thinking, what am I doing? I knew something had to change. I didn’t want to keep surviving. I wanted to actually live. I wanted peace. I wanted stability. I wanted my son to look at me one day and be proud of the woman I became.”